vegan hedonism

moving

2009-07-07T22:36:00.003-05:00

hi.

i'm not really posting any more recipes here anytime soon.
i AM posting new comics on a wordpress site: http://thefivesecondrule.wordpress.com/. i haven't set up the archives and about and all that, but i am posting comics there. also, on facebook. also, there are three minicomics/zines you could buy if you wanted to. or trade.

if you are looking for good recipes, i highly recommend this: http://coconutandquinoa.wordpress.com/. amy chaplin is a friend and coworker, she's an awesome chef. today i ate a piece of german chocolate cake she made. it was delicious.

sweet biscuits

2009-06-08T07:58:00.001-05:00

this would be the same as the biscuits below, with about 1/4 cup of sugar added. then we put raspberry jam on them.

mouse comic

2009-05-29T07:24:00.006-05:00

banana bread:

this recipe is adapted from the new farm vegetarian cookbook. meaning, it's almost the same recipe, but i made it a little better:

cream together:
1/3 cup earth balance
1/2 cup dry sweetener (i'll use florida crystals, but if you have maple sugar, it would be better to use that.)

sift together:

2 cups flour (i like to mix flours, in any case, if you have the options, half whole wheat pastry flour and half refined pastry flour is good.)
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda

curdle:
3 tbl almond milk (or soy, whatever)
with 1 tsp cider vinegar

then beat into the sugar mixture:
2 overripe bananas.
(did you know monkeys peel bananas from the bottom? i'm not 100% sure that's true, but try it, it's doable)

add the milk to the bananas and whatnot, then pour all the liquid whatnot mixture into the dry mixture.

if you want to add nuts, well, you should toast them first, 1/2 cup walnuts for 6 minutes or so at 350.

then bake for longer than you think necessary. the best banana bread i've had was when i forgot i was making banana bread and i didn't get impatient and take it out too early. give it a good hour at 350. yum.

hooch boners comic

2009-05-18T22:37:00.004-05:00

this is what kate is doing?
i am meanwhile making sourdough. apparently it needs to rise for twelve hours twice. i decided to bake it early so i could go to sleep: this is not advisable.

toaster hug comic

2009-05-16T16:27:00.003-05:00

my mornings were like this for awhile, it was pretty rad. now i draw comics about how rad it was.

so... right now i'm trying to get sourdough right.
i apologize, my camera doesn't work very well, but really sourdough starter isn't much to look at in the first place. my facebook friend john told me to use pineapple juice instead of water if i wanted to make a wild fermentation sourdough starter. so i'm trying that, and i'm trying to keep alive a sourdough from angelica kitchen. so...we'll see. it seems that everyone has a different opinion on how sourdough should be made, but i feel like it's one of those things that nearly everyone (in geographically applicable regions) could do a few hundred years ago, but fewer and fewer people know how to do today....like, say, carrying around a cup instead of using disposable cups. why forget something that was working so well? i'm obnoxious. but only when i'm writing. i'd love to keep this sourdough alive and then make easy breads and pancakes with it whenever i feel like it. that's the plan. but i've had a lot of experience with killing sourdough starters. hm.

abrupt change in genre: comics!

2009-05-14T16:45:00.001-05:00

fluffy cloud biscuits!!!

2009-05-09T14:06:00.004-05:00

“holy crap! these biscuits are so good, it would insult them to slather earth balance all over them. no! it’s NEVER an insult to slather something in earth balance! never! wait, i think i want to slather me in earth balance. YES.” : this is what you will say after you make these biscuits.

________________

story of biscuit misadventures:

my roommate shawn made these biscuits and shared them one saturday morning. They were fluffy and soft and perfectly flavored. and it was a fluffy soft and perfectly flavored day. i put raspberry jam on mine despite its perfection….because we also had perfect jam, homemade by the mother of another one of my roommates. woah, i’m lucky to know these people. anyway, i demanded the recipe, which shawn wrote down for me. a week later i made the biscuits and they were terrible!!!!! i don’t know what happened, i don’t remember very well. but the point is, despite years of cooking experience and a “chef’s training certificate,” i can’t follow directions or do anything right until i’ve already had some coffee. addiction is bad, because it can ruin your biscuits. the second time i made these biscuits, i also ruined them. but now i’ve made them several times and can say this recipe is solid. it is important to sour the milk, and it is important to mash the fat into the flour before adding the milk. it is also important not to forget you are baking and leave the room for too long. and it is important to wash the dishes so your roommates won’t hate you.

________________
actual recipe:

preheat oven to 450 degrees.

sour a cup of non-dairy milk: add 1 tsp vinegar to 1 cup non-dairy milk

mix together:
2 cups of flour
2 tbl baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 tbl nutritional yeast (optional)

cut into the flour mixture: 4 tbl earth balance (or 5 or 6 tbl. just saying.)

pour the non-dairy milk into the flour/fat mixture, mix it until all the flour is absorbed. the batter should be thick and fluffy, remarkably like wet biscuits. if the flour isn’t totally absorbed by the dough, add a little more non-dairy milk.

spoon the biscuits onto a baking tray. it can make 10-12 medium-sized biscuits. bake for 12 minutes. rejoice. make some gravy.

notes:

vinegar: i usually use cider vinegar as my all-purpose vinegar. you can make cider vinegar by yourself if you leave cider out on your counter long enough.
flour: i’m into ½ cup whole wheat pastry flour plus 1 ½ cup white pastry flour, but you know, use what you got. 100% white flour will result in fluffy white clouds. 100% whole wheat flour will result in healthier but heavy biscuits. my roommate uses spelt flour. it also works, i think it tasted better actually.
baking powder: not baking soda. pay attention, carmichael.
nutritional yeast: i think it makes them a little heartier and more interesting, but if you want fluffy white clouds, omit it.
cut: you could use a pastry cutter or two knives. i used a fork and just squashed the earth balance into the flour until the fat was evenly distributed in pieces the size of pebbles.
earth balance: it’s just yummy. sometimes i use some coconut oil (it helps if you want fluffy white cloud biscuits). a liquid oil won’t work as well, but you can chill olive oil until it’s solid, and keep all the ingredients cold until you pop them in the oven.

down with whole foods!

2009-05-09T14:00:00.003-05:00

hey, is anyone out there subscribed to this blog?
is there any reason i should start writing in it again?

you should read this article about how much whole foods sucks:

http://socialistworker.org/2009/05/07/smells-at-whole-foods

CEO John Mackey:

"I cofounded the company, so I'm like this father figure at Whole Foods. I'm this rich father figure, and everybody's pulling at me saying, "Daddy, daddy, can we have this, can we have that, can we have this, can we have that?" And I'm either like the kind, generous daddy, or the mean, Scrooge daddy who says "No." "

Popcorn!

2008-09-22T23:58:00.002-05:00

Two very important questions with regard to popcorn:

1.) What do you put on your popcorn?
a.) I prefer nutritional yeast and garlic (of course), but have had equally spectacular results with chili powder. I know that a certain someone on this blog favors curry powder.

2.) Are there other grains and seeds that pop like popcorn? If I wanted to pop wheat berries, what would happen. Vegan hedonists, PLEASE ADVISE!

Fermented Beet Spread!

2008-07-24T06:34:00.002-05:00

It's CSA season, and that means more vegetables every week than can reasonably be consumed. Last week (and don't ask me how we're getting root vegetables in July), it was beets. The solution? Lacto-fermentation!

It's pretty straightforward, and the results taste like tart, savory, spreadable borscht.

1.) Finely grate two beets.
2.) In a small, wide mouthed jar (I used a jam jar), alternate layers of roughly 3 loose tablespoons of beets, a dash of salt, and whatever seasonings you like. I used scallions, chopped garlic, and dill seeds. You might want to try caraway, bits of onion, or juniper berries.
3.) If you want to give the fermentation a head start, drop in a piece of kimchi or another fermented vegetable containing live cultures. Use a clean utensil to mash the ingredients together a bit.
4.) Set the lid loosely on top of the jar, and leave the jar out for about two days. Press down the beets every day with a clean fork to ensure the solid material is below the brine.
5.) After two days, give it a sniff and a taste. If you'd like it to be more tart, leave it out for a few more days. If you like it as it is, stick it in the fridge.
6.) Serve as a vivid red garnish on sandwiches and soups, as a topping for crackers, or blend with silken tofu or Better Than Cream Cheese for a creamy spread.

Yum!

urban epiphyte

2008-07-16T12:08:00.003-05:00

i'm trying to keep a violet alive.
now, i'm trying to keep all sorts of things alive: kale, radishes, tomatoes, basil, peppers, eggplant, grass, aloe, nastursiums, rosemary, worms, etc. but the violet is different because i agreed to carry it around with me all summer or until it died. the idea is to see how a plant can survive in an urban human's environment (moving through space with the human, being trapped in an office with a human, etc.) and to reintegrate plants into everyday life in city streets.
here is the website for the project: http://www.urbanepiphyte.org
mine is pretty much dead. it's totally my fault, too.

i was really excited when i first got the plant a week ago. i attached its pouch to my belt with a clip and a rubberband. i brought it to the park, i brought it to work, ad i brought it along for critical mass, which incidentally is a good way to get people to talk to you. the stems got all bent and sad, so i staked it. every night i left it in a windowsill. a few days ago when i checked on it in the morning, it was crawling with ants and some small round bugs. in an early morning panic, i did a stupid thing and sprayed it with my citronella bug spray (which seemed to have totally benign ingredients). for future reference, and i already knew this, one should wash bugs off with gentle soap. anyway. the citronella oil totally burned the plant, and you can see the spots on the surviving leaves where the oil hit. oh well. now the little voilet is chilling out in the windowsill, still alive and with three reasonably green and robust leaves with some burn marks and stems that are bent almost to the point of breaking. i think it might be okay to take back out tomorrow. i'll stake it really well.

toofpaste and itch relief

2008-07-12T12:10:00.003-05:00

a few days ago one of my roommates decided to make toothpaste from a recipe in a zine (by kyle bravo).
then i decided to make an herbal itch lotion because the mosquito situation was getting dire. speaking of which, today i jumped up from my breakfast in pain as the literal ants in my pants bit me. (okay, i think it was just one ant, but it it bit me in the ass and it hurt a lot.)

toothpaste:
the recipe called for:
1 tbl baking soda
2 tbl calcium carbonate
1-2 tbl glycerin
1/2 tsp peppermint oil.

we bought vegetable glycerin at tony's country life ($5 for the bottle, but that bottle will make sooooo much toothpaste and other stuff). as for the calcium carbonate, i think we used one stick of chalk, which we (ok, which my roommate) ground up in a spice grinder. i'm slightly concerned that there may be glue or some weird chemicals in the chalk and that it might not be 100% calcium carbonate. but not concerned enough not to do it. anyway, after it was all mixed together, it looked really bubbly and unusable but it dried out a bit after a few hours into a paste, which we put in a little jar with a little stick to used to put it on tooth brushes. we didn't have any peppermint oil, so we put tea tree oil in, which i think is great for teeth, but kinda nasty to taste. however, now there is both peppermint and tea tree in it and that seems to work. please experiment and try other ways to make it. like, is that glycerin really necessary, is its sugar content counter productive?

itch lotion:

so, i just was thinking about things that relieve itching, and peppermint, tea tree oil, cider vinegar, and aloe came to mind. (calendula/marigold extract would be good, too.) i scraped the pulp out of one big juicy aloe leaf, mixed it with equal parts cider vinegar and glycerin (the glycerin keeps if from being too runny, i think) and then put in a few drops of peppermint oil and tea tree oil. it totally works to relieve bugbites. sadly, it went missing, and when the ant pit my ass this morning i was out of luck.

bonus recipe!!!
conditioner
ok, this is hardly a recipe, but i swear it works.
dilute about two tablespoons vinegar in a 12oz jar that used to have olives in it but now has water in it. pour it over your head after you've washed your hair.

i hope these photos explain why i never go out

2008-06-28T22:12:00.003-05:00

Hello/Roasted Sauteed Mushrooms over Green Bean Puree!

2008-05-20T20:02:00.004-05:00

So I was supposed to make my entrance with some sort of epic gravy post, right? It's still coming, but between perfectionism, procrastination, and tonight's outlandishly tasty dinner, I've forced myself to saunter onto the scene with a different savory/chlorophyll-y side dish:

ROASTED SAUTEED MUSHROOMS OVER GREEN BEAN PUREE

Equipment: Immersion blender, roasting pan, sauteeing pan

*6-8 shiitake, golden trumpet, porcini or other tasty fresh mushrooms
*2 hefty handfuls of green beans
*1 small and 1 medium clove of garlic
*1 teaspoon miso or mushroom bouillon
*3 oz warm water, plus water for steaming green beans
*1 T olive oil for sauteeing plus 1 T for oiling mushrooms
*1 t Earth Balance
*black pepper
*a slice or two of good sourdough (I like Bread Alone's whole wheat sourdough)

-Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and start heating the steaming water
-Remove mushroom stems, oil caps, and roast 10 minutes or until fragrant
-While mushrooms are roasting, steam the green beans until vibrant
-Chop green beans into 1/2 inch pieces and put into immersion blender's bowl
-Add miso/bouillon, 1 small clove garlic, and water to blending bowl
-Using immersion blender, puree beans, garlic, and broth into a thick paste. It will be bright green, fragrant, savory, and have the same chlorophyll-y charm of well-prepared kale. Add a little salt or (shh!) tamari if you would like.
-Remove the mushrooms from the oven and cut into very thick strips (1/2 to 1 inch thick)
-Crush the medium clove of garlic with the flat of a knife blade
-Heat olive oil and Earth Balance in heavy-bottomed pan over medium-high heat
-Add mushrooms and stir briskly until coated in the fat, toss in crushed garlic immediately
-Sautee about 4 minutes, until mushrooms absorb fat and become fragrant. Take off heat right away.

Ladle green bean puree into bottom of wide, shallow bowl. Arrange mushrooms attractively over the puree and cover generously with freshly ground black pepper. Serve with sourdough. Listen to Can't record or contemplate the above Russian mushroom festival picture while eating.

not themed today. man i like cookies.

2008-05-03T19:49:00.003-05:00

ok, here's my backyard, pretending it's in the suburbs, sorta.

and here are some sprouts:

surely, you can get better information about sprouts elsewhere.
but, for whatever it's worth, mung beans are super easy to spout. wheat berries and aduki beans take longer.
i've been sprouting things to eat and sprouting things to grow... sprouting to grow in dirt, to eat in mason jars. i'm not necessarily making sense. maybe i'm trying to tell kate that she should post about gravy now and also post the pictures of the best scrabble game ever. because perfection is not what i'm going for here.

to sprout mung beans:

for a 16 oz jar of sprouts, i think i used 2 tbl of mung beans (organic from the co-op . do it.)
+put the mung beans in the jar. and then fill it with water.
+put a piece of cheesecloth or some kind of fabric over the top of the jar and secure it with a rubber band.
+let the beans soak in the water overnight.
+in the morning, turn the jar upside down and let the water drain out, into a bowl, if you, perhaps, don't want water all over your floor.
+once or twice a day, pour some water into the jar, shake it out, and dump it upside down again.

after 3 or 4 days the jar will be jam packed full of sprouts.
and you can eat them out of the jar or deep fry them or whatever.

i think they make a great addition to kimchee stirfry.

by the way, buy some kimchee, i made 2 gallons. organic vegan spicy blah blah i wish it were local but it's not really.

we had a may day party yesterday and i didn't take any pictures, but i should have because chris, olivia, and jason all made really beautiful cakes and it was, well, it was lovely. even with the dog running around with a tampon in it's mouth.

new home in crown heights

2008-04-16T22:15:00.002-05:00

uh, hi everybody who still reads this.
i've been both busy and depressed at the same time. i mean, basically hiding in my new house avoiding human contact but starting a bunch of projects.
here is my gorgeous kitchen:

and here are a lot of things sprouting:
basil, broccoli, lettuce, eggplant, watermelon, snap peas, red chard, zinnias, sunflowers, morning glories, and i'm not sure what else.

i'm starting two kinds of compost bins, a worm bin and a big old chickenwire compost bin that i'll have to get some leaves or hay for.
my backyard is pretty much a big pit of rocks and broken glass with some lead and mercury filled dirt in it. but we're picking out the glass and rocks, building raised beds, getting less polluted dirt, planting grass, hanging a hammock, and planting veggies and flowers. all that good stuff.

i started some more kimchee, with apples this time. there's a dumpling restaurant, i think on broome street near allen, that has a kimchee sandwich with apples in it. yum. anyway, seems like a good idea.

i'm learning how to use a circular saw and a drill. i already knew how to use the drill, but i keep breaking drill bits. also, it's annoying but obvious that power tools were built for man hands, and are harder to use when you have small lady hands.

other projects will include making soap, and, i dunno, outdoor stuff.
maybe kate has something to say about gravy?

please please please let me get what i want

2008-03-16T10:34:00.010-05:00

1)
kimchee in space!!!
granted, they kill it first and destroy it's beneficial bacteria with radiation, but it will still taste yummy, i think.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/24/world/asia/24kimchi.html?_r=2&scp=1&sq=kimchi&st=nyt&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

"Ordinary kimchi is teeming with microbes, like lactic acid bacteria, which help fermentation. On Earth they are harmless, but scientists feared they could turn dangerous in space if cosmic rays and other radiation cause them to mutate."

2)
utopia 2008 could not come sooner. i'm probably not going to post again until then.
but when i do, i will document exciting gardening, fermenting, sprouting, and cooperative living adventures.

3)
the bananas at the 4th st. co-op are really good right now. there is some controversy over the dead bug content (as an ingredient, not as an accident) of the "confectioner's glaze" on the chocolate-covered almonds and raisins that have been labeled "vegan" for a long time. anyway, uh, i'm going to avoid those.

4)
check this out, look at those beautiful mason jars with sprouts in them!
http://hybridtumbleweed.typepad.com/vegan_miscellanies/2008/03/the-joy-of-spro.html

ok, i'll back in a few weeks after moving.
i deleted my myspace profile, but i still have an email address and a phone.
scroll down to read about gravy, kale, garlic, and the hidden costs of agribusiness.

df,mngd,mfn

2008-03-08T23:23:00.004-05:00

i heart garlic

2008-03-07T18:36:00.006-05:00

i love garlic so much i got it tattooed on my body and made my mother cry.
the residual guilt, sorry mom, has kept me from getting all the other tattoos i want, including an olive tree, a head of kale, and team dresh lyrics, anyway. this is the garlic tribute post. welcome to the garlic tribute post.

garlic is a fucking incredible food. first of all, much like healthy and delicious body odor, it keeps shallow, annoying people away. it also keeps vampires away, unless they're ubervamps or the vampires in lost boys. but it will keep most vampires away. now, isn't you life better without vampires and jerks bugging you?

secondly, garlic is a natural antibiotic and anti-inflammatory noun (is there a word for that? i'm feeling stupid today). rubbing it on cuts and scars can help heal them. eating lots of it raw can cure a cold. eating tons of it on a regular basis will help to keep you from getting a cold. i'll put some links here later.

recipe:

there should be a handy name for this dish. i've heard it called "marinated kale," and "massaged kale" but i think it needs a name like "the good stuff"
now, i don't really measure anything. you just have to keep tasting it as you go and adjust.

one head of kale. any kind of kale. or collards.
4-8 cloves of galic
one tsp sea salt
four tablespoons olive oil
two tablespoons lemon juice (like half a lemon)

wash, murder, de-spine, and chop the kale into pretty small pieces.
chop the garlic into tiny mince or smush it real good.
put the garlic in olive oil in a huge bowl and let it sit there for a few minutes while you rub more garlic all over your face for no reason.
then add the lemon juice and sea salt and kale. careful with the salt, add a little at a time. then basically knead the kale in the bowl with all the ingredients. just crush it with your hands so it can absorb all the flavors. after you're done tasting and crushing, the kale will slowly get softer and more like a condiment than like a salad. it'll keep in the fridge for two or three days. eat it as a salad or put it on top of other stuff. i like it on top of a stew or with bread or with beans.

Loitering in the Grocery Store with a Syringe full of Unspecified Chemicals is More or Less the Lexicographer's Definition of "Social Awkwardness"

2008-03-01T23:19:00.009-05:00

Something that's been stuck in my head of late: A couple weeks ago, I was killing time and thawing out mid-bike ride by distracting my friend Julia at her barista job when she complained to me that she had just spent the bulk of a shift offering people organic alternatives to the drinks they were ordering (i.e. "I can make you a completely organic soy latte for another 50 cents, if you like.") and evidently, no one (like, literally no one) was biting.

The two of us, both serious partisans of the organic, spent some time in mutual navelgazing and headscratching over the issue before arriving at the shared epiphany that there's something truly weird about the relationship between the organic and commerce. Seriously, without risking any unnecessary philosophical detours, doesn't there seem to be some sort of inherent tension in the idea of the "organic as supplemental" (or as a luxury upgrade) that arises from its being available only through our consenting to a small cost markup? (Full disclosure: that inherent tension is the halfway-tangible presence of agribusiness as room-elephant, or if you prefer, of the manner in which food reveals the inability of capitalism to naturalize itself completely, and therefore, "wtf" moments like these involve sensing the real frission of food as a site of resistance, but you knew that already.)

Only half-jokingly, this is the formulation at which we arrived that afternoon: Say you're standing in the grocery store and you're looking at some onions and some organic onions and saying to yourself, "Fuck, I'd really like to get these organic onions, but they're 75 cents more than the regular old onions...I dunno." Now, for the sake of argument, imagine that the organic onions are the only ones on offer and that you're standing there and muttering under your breath, "Fuck, I'd really like to get these onions, but they seem just a little too expensive..." In that situation, what would you do if someone were to overhear you and be all, "Yeah, I feel that. Don't they seem like they should be about 75 cents cheaper? Actually, I'll tell you what: if you let me inject you with this syringe full of unspecified chemicals, which I conveniently happen to have on hand, I'll give you 75 cents!" I'd like to think that most of us would be a little creeped out...except maybe those of us with a lengthy history of clinical trials, and if you fall into that category, you're probably dumpstering your onions anyway.

Sure, it's not a perfect model. On one hand, it fails to account for the fact that, as Kate has pointed out, the syringe full of unspecified chemicals is not only being injected into you, but also into the earth, while on the other, it glosses issues of class and access somewhat, though I think that there are lots of other avenues through which those issues can be (and are being) worked out productively with regards to organic produce. If you find this a particularly egregious blind spot in the above conversation, consider that the organic latte refuseniks that motivated this entire thought experiment were patronizing a pretty upscale establishment to begin with, and that the experiment itself seems most useful to me where it addresses the problems inherent in the manner in which the organic is framed in a consumer context, a not insignifigant set of problems toward the untangling of which I think this goes some distance.

Whew! That said, I do have recipes, even as I want for graceful transitions! This time, I'm proffering a winter staple that represents perhaps the culmination of the two finest wellsprings of no bullshit cuisine in human history: the mediterranean and punk houses. Kate and Carmichael have seen me make this like a billion times and are unlikely to be all that enthused. Really, this is a pretty "Soy Not Oi!"-style excursion, which is to say that it's not really even the sort of thing you'll ever need to refer to a recipe to make again, it's very tolerant of substitutions, and you can probably halfass a palatable version of it out of stuff that's in your house right now. For good measure, I'll even discuss a variant of which I'm fond at the end of the recipe proper!

Tuscan Beans and Kale, for which you will need:

-about one bunch of lacinato kale, washed and torn into smallish pieces
-about 1-2 cups of cooked cannellini (or one can, drained and rinsed)
-about half of a large onion, or all of a small one, cut into long, thin slivers
-olive oil
-dried sage and oregano
-paprika and cayenne pepper
-salt

In a largeish saucepan, warm a tablespoon or two of oil over a medium flame, then add the onion, sauteeing gently until it's wilted, translucent, and fragrant. Next, add the kale, which may be something of an adventure if you're using a remotely human-scaled pan, but worry not - it can be added in batches, provided that you're attentive and keep everything in motion and coated with the oil!

Once the kale has cooked down enough that you don't have your hands full dealing with it, but is not completely wilted, add the beans, plus herbs and spices to taste, and toss everything to combine. Finally, taste it, add an appropriate amount of salt, and turn it all out into a serving vessel of your choice!

This goes well with a dazzling variety of things, but my two favorite ways to eat it are for lunch with homemade crusty bread and for dinner with a pilaf of equal parts quinoa and millet, which in case you didn't pick up on it, is sort of the hidden bonus recipe of this post (use one part mixed grains to two parts water). It cooks way faster than brown rice and is at least as good for you.

The original raison d'etre of this dish has to do with its being a "cucina di magro" version of a closely related Tuscan specialty which would also have included some sort of cured pork, "cucina di magro" being an Italian term for the sort of stuff you'd eat if it was a friday, or lent, or of you were a broke-ass punk, and/or, y'know, vegan. Surely, each of us has experienced at least one of the above! I mention this because it goes some way toward explaining the use of what might otherwise seem a slightly odd combination of seasonings for this style of cooking, which have in this case been selected to evoke certain more desirable aspects of the curing process. That also means that you may wish to go a little heavier on the salt than you're accustomed to doing for greens alone.

Finally, if I'm not overstepping my bounds in mentioning this, Vegan Hedonism gossip has it that you will soon be treated to a ridiculously amazing recipe for mushroom gravy, an occasion which moves me to suggest that, should you decide to attempt that preparation in concert with this one, you replace the lacinato kale with regular old green kale and the cannellini with black-eyed peas for some totally mind-erasing neo-soul food. Serve it open-faced on toast, oh!

why do we live where it's cold?

2008-02-25T22:06:00.002-05:00

fermented foods a-z!!!

amasake
black tea, beer, bourbon
coffee, sometimes AND chocolate
dill pickles
eggplant, the kind my uncle lou makes
frommage, but we don't go there, or hardly even spell there.
garlic kelp pickles from maine coast sea vegetables, hell yeah
hoisin sauce, maybe
instant miso powder, but why bother?
jerky, i suspect, jalapeno peppers in cans
KIMCHEE, kombucha, koji, kefir
lunch, mine and amy's at angelica
miso!
natto in yr nori rolls
oolong tea, olives
probably lunch tomorrow
questionable kombucha?
relish on your tofudog, rejuvalac
sauerkraut, sauerruben, all things sauer, shoyu
tamari, tempeh
umeboshi plums
vinegar, vanilla extract,
wine
xantham gum, according to my dictionary
yogurt, though incubating stuff in jars sounds like a pain in the butthash
zooglea, though i don't think i would eat it or even look at it funny

i got a new camera!

2008-02-20T19:40:00.002-05:00

thing one) i really want a backyard. i present my "compost pile" as evidence.

thing two) if pandas are too sad to reproduce, i don't think we should make them. perhaps they don't want their children to live in cages and be forced to watch panda porn.

thing three) sometimes you know something is a bad idea and then you do it anyway. well. creamed kale soup is one of those bad ideas that i did anyway. it tastes good but will never be creamy.

I am Trying Not to Title This Post "Teaviency Amplification Spiral"

2008-02-14T21:45:00.006-05:00

The specter of (ahem) butt hash has got me thinking about the symbiosis of fermentation with the deviancy amplification spiral in a more general sense. To clarify: a few weeks ago, I was in the midst of a lengthy Amtrak journey, perusing a newly-acquired copy of "Wild Fermentation" with visions of kimchi, mead, and sourdough hotcakes dancing in my head when I happened to notice that the otherwise unassuming traveler sitting across the aisle from me was engrossed in a zine entitled "DIY Moonshine Still." Coincidence or contagion? After all, there I was leaving New York, having caught the fermentation bug from Kate and Carmichael (well, also in a roundabout way from my great uncle Fredo) and here, apparently, was another victim, getting ready to infect Erie, Pennsylvania or wherever it was he got off the train. I can't recall.

...but I digress. DIY fermentation is still somewhat new to me, and you're all likely to reap the whirlwind as I document my efforts to stretch the boundaries of "reasonable projects" (DIY moonshine tinctures, anyone?) I've been dragging my feet on contributing to Vegan Hedonism, as I've wanted to start off with something truly high-concept, but then I got all "self-defeating perfectionist" and so, in the spirit of orneriness, I will not be presenting a Valentines'-specific recipe or anything. Sorry.

I will, however, say this: late winter is a seriously good time to get into natural detoxification, though hopefully (for your sake) not the sort being sought by the ultra-gregarious old hippie who bought four gallons of unfiltered cranberry juice from me at the co-op a few years ago...at least the pour soul had his memories of that coed sauna for consolation! Seriously though, it's not exactly killer bike ride season, at least not where I live, and because the lymph system is about 15x (no exaggeration) more into killer bike ride season than it is essential bike rides only season, I was definitely feeling a little rough around the edges for a while, a condition which has since been remedied through the generous application of kimchi jigae, sauteed dandelion greens, burdock root and brown rice, and...

Winter Lymph Tonic Tea:

1 part alfalfa leaf
1 part nettle leaf
1 part red clover leaf/tops

The boundaries of loose tea being agreeably, well, loose, you might see fit to push this mixture in any number of directions, with herbs for general immune support or to address specific organs or systems. You might add stevia or agave, if that's your thing, but I happen to like things that taste like leaves, so all I've been adding is alfalfa tincture, which is pretty alkalinizing, assuming that you need alkalinized (if you've been really congested all winter, you probably do).

It's of interest (to me) that these plants (dandelion, burdock, alfalfa, nettles, clover) are generally among the first that show up to detox rewilding land. Note also that while, years ago, I let a copious amount of acid tell me that I needed more dandelion root tea in my life (no complaints so far), don't ever let anyone/thing tell you that dandelion root tea is "a substitute for coffee." It's not.

Coming soon: even more things to do with garlic and kale (I know, I know...exactly what was missing from the world of vegan food writing, right?), further carob stunts, more herb lore, etc. In the meantime, thank you, Carmichael, for the generous loan of your soapbox.

carob has theobromide, too

2008-02-14T12:07:00.004-05:00

happy valentine's day.
i grew up thinking that saint valentine was basically a political prisoner whose supporters sent him lots of letters when he was in jail. i liked that story, but apparently it was not true.
if you feel an urgent need to slit your wrists today, try drinking a nice mocha instead. you can also watch scary animal sex on you tube, it will make you be happy you don't have a date today. especially ostriches. ew. "never again," you will say, "will i have sex like ostriches do."

hot carob! put it up boract! oh!

2008-02-13T22:23:00.005-05:00

hot carob!

it doesn't make a palindrome half as good as "hot tuba! put it up a butt! oh!" but it is yummy and simple to make and a soothing hot beverage.

kate gave me this "recipe."
i am not quoting here. just retelling.
put some carob in a tiny pan. mix it with a little bit of water with a whisk. add a mugful of soy/rice/almond/whatever milk. whisk and heat. add some sweetener and vanilla. i used vanilla soymilk, so i didn't need to add anything. probably with some almond milk it would need a little maple and vanilla. anyway, yum.

casualty. it's so, i dunno, "casual"

2008-02-10T19:49:00.002-05:00

rest in peace, sourdough starter. i don't know what happened to you. i thought things were going so well. and then you were dead. there is much i have yet to learn about microorganisms.

in conclusion, mixing equal parts flour and water, leaving it in a glass jar with a permeable covering, and stirring it every morning with a wooden spoon for three days does not necessarily result in sourdough starter. sometimes it results in moldy wheat paste. just like the rest of life.

but djimmy gave me a camera. thanks, pal. soon, there will be pictures again.

not relevant:

1) new comic book called "five second rule," send me your address and $2 or a trade, i will send you or hand you a copy.

2) the co-op once more has good produce. including delicious kumquats, some of which i ate while working there. (you gotta love a store where you can pick up produce, weigh it, and ring yourself up on a cash register and them immediately eat it. also .... you can just take things that are expired, record them as waste, and eat them, rather than throwing them out and hiding them from hungry people who will then have to go looking through trash bins to get them.)

here. food. take.

i'm not making sense.
i asked a few friends to add their cooking stories here. i think they will, maybe.

here. take.

id wants

2008-02-09T19:38:00.000-05:00

this is disgusting.

i'm trying to cut myself off from sugar and chocolate by not buying any.
(ok, i'm not trying very hard.)
but then i got desperate to put some theobromine into my sad head.

how to be disgusting and remind yourself of past failures at the same time:

find whatever scraps of cocoa are in your apartment and mix them together:

-1/2 cup frozen cupcake frosting (i made in october when trying and failing to get a job as a pastry chef)
-3 triangles of ibarra mexican hot chocolate mix (left behind by roommate who stole $500 from me over a year ago)
-2 tablespoons mexican hot cocoa mix (left behind by same roommate, may he fall in a hole with rock salt and asbestos on the bottom)
-1 tablespoon coconut butter (ok, this is actually really good.)
-1 cup somebody else's soymilk. (sorry.)
-1 tsp vanilla
-1 tablespoon corn starch (left behind by??? which old roommmate? i sure didn't buy this stuff. yuk. why is this crap in my apartment? why am i eating it? i'm throwing it out now.)

melted together and then mixed with coffee. it's actually really bad and i don't know why i'm posting this.

i feel sick.

more and more fermentation

2008-01-27T20:50:00.000-05:00

1) there is kimchee.
pink kimchee with ginger.
pink and green kimchee that is the same thing but more colorful.
and like infinite green kimchee with either too much ginger or too much jalapeno or half and half.

it is done.
and more will be made with cayenne peppers and maybe some sunchokes and black radishes.
you can buy it from me directly $5 per jar if you give me an empty jar, $6 per jar if you want one of my over-priced but very pretty mason jars. bartering is a-ok, especially if what you have to barter is legible or edible. me giving you kimchee for free is probably what will really happen. then maybe you'll give me a zine or something.

2) i am now confident that amasake can be made with minimal effort. i had some leftover rice so i reboiled it with some extra water for a few minutes, let it cool while i preheated an oven, then tossed in some koji spores and put it in the oven overnight. i didn't remember it was there until after i had breakfast but it would have been an ideal breakfast. it's really sweet.

3) veda is pickling cayenne peppers in cider vinegar and also making more kimchee.
chris pickles garlic and has alerted me to the existence of "butt hash," a fermentation process beyond the scope of this blog.
kate has noted that red cabbage acts as litmus paper does in acidic and basic environments. so if you ever need to know something and don't have litmus paper lying around, like whether the mysterious liquid is vinegar or swill or soap...you can always use some cabbage.

4) let's find out how many days it takes for cider to get alcoholic if you put in in a jar with a durag on top and leave it in a dark cupboard.

i used to misspell "cupboard" as "cubbard" before i had the duh moment of realizing it was a board to put cups on.

hasty pudding is really just grits.

huitlacoche is corn smut. does anyone know anything about it that isn't already on the wikipedia entry? like where i can get some.

what day is it?

2008-01-24T11:34:00.000-05:00

ok

1) kimchee will be done soon, i think. we've got kimchee with ginger, pink kimchee with ginger, and jalepeno garlic kimchee with no ginger. it all has green cabbage, carrots, leeks, and daikon, all local and organic. garlic and ginger and peppers are not local but the ginger is at least organic.

i'm going to make some more pickles with cabbage and watermelon radishes today, i don't think i can call this kimchee. sauerkraut, maybe. it's not particularly korean or german, so let's call it pickles. if you asked me for pickles on myspace, i will let you know when they are ready, unless they don't taste good, then i will be embarrassed and not tell you. they seem good now.

2) what's up with this earth balance with actual butter in it? is this a copyright infringement? i saw some in whole foods (sorry, co-op. i'll make it up to you.) and was a little frightened. the earth balance website says nothing about it. does anybody know?

3) the 4th st. food co-op needs new members. when noone is working, they have to lock the store and they they may as well not exist. sad for me. sad for farmers. sad for the neighborhood. 4thstreetfoodcoop.org

yep, i'm a capitalist pig.

2008-01-18T23:48:00.000-05:00

i'm going to make a very large quantity of kimchee and then sell it, for $5 or $6 per pint jar (plus a deposit on the jar itself). it will be vegan and raw and organic and spicy and as local as possible (it is january in new york, after all, but i think there are cabbages and carrots from local farmers still).

if anybody knows they want some, give me a heads up. i'll probably make 5 gallons of it (that's 40 pints) if there's enough interest. it could be ready in a few weeks, depending on how i get the cabbage. (update, i can get the cabbage tomorrow, but i still need giant glass jars or a crock.)

so let me know if you will want any. i'll probably make some with ginger and some without and i can't promise every jar is going to taste the same, but the first two batches i made were quite good.

also, if anybody happens to have a five gallon ceramic crock gathering dust somewhere, i'd love to buy it.

snobby peanut butter probably cheaper than store-bought

2008-01-12T17:06:00.000-05:00

i made some peanut butter with the raw organic peanuts from the co-op. since they're not roasted and oily, it would have been too dry to turn into butter, so i added a little bit of organic olive oil and raw honey. then i added some celtic sea salt and put it all in a cuisinart until it turned into peanut butter. i think it's the best peanut butter i've ever had. no joke.
the kombucha is kinda bubbly and the starter is splitting into two starters! it smells pretty ripe, but i'll let it go until wednesday.

alien fetus #1

2008-01-09T22:47:00.000-05:00

a comrade a the 4th street co-op gave me a slimy white kombucha starter. (i told you they were good people!)
anyway. i wanted to take a picture, but when i picked up my camera last week to take some other picture of something else, i saw that the lens was mysteriously scratched to the point of uselessness. lens means lentil. i'll try to get the camera repaired.
it just looks like black tea in a glass vase with a du-rag on top of it, and an alien fetus floating inside. i used orange pekoe. i washed my hands a lot, and i washed the vase a lot but i'm just inherently dirty all the time, so we'll know soon whether i killed it.

join the 4th st. co-op. do it.

also, about not drinking or anything. i got really drunk last night but i feel good about it. like it was a good time and place to get drunk and it was fun. that's all. though i think the sugar in the margaritas sealed the deal on my getting a new cavity.

offical new year's post

2008-01-01T11:59:00.000-05:00

dear 2007,

i can't even begin to tell you how much you sucked.

i'm starting a new journal and a new planner and i'm going to forget about you.
i know you were a lot worse for many other people than you were for me.

2008 will be totally perfect and utopian. surely.
it begins with the brian lehrer show and coffee.

by the way, we're making more kimchee: two huge jars of sorta normal kimchee, and also a jar of red cabbage sauerkraut and a jar of gingered carrot pickles. prepping vegetables was starting to get really tedious when everyone else was going to parties.
pictures will follow.
kombucha next week if i can get it.

possible kombucha pedigrees

2007-12-26T19:14:00.000-05:00

big slimy pancake
floppy slimy pancake
gelatinous slimy pancake
is this right?
can this kill me if it's wrong?
is it ok that i dropped this on the floor?
i think it's ok, yeah, it's ok.
ok ok.
translucent blue
a little bit orange
pale green orb
my first time
kinda fuzzy
five second rule kombucha

things besides kimchee

2007-12-11T20:14:00.000-05:00

1) look. i baked a loaf of bread and it looked like a butt.

2) amasake. hrm. it incubated in the oven for about 18 hours, somewhere between 90 and 140 degrees. then i added some water and boiled it all to make it stop fermenting. it was sweet and delicious. i put some cinnamon on it and ate it like rice pudding. then later i cooked it with some extra water and drank it. it tasted really good but it was chunky even after i blended it. i don't know. i'm drinking some now and it's not that exciting. but it was good the day i made it. i'll try it again later. maybe it should be strained rather than blended. also, i think it can be used as a sweetener.

3) the avocolada at pure food and wine. amazing. also, the mallomars.

4) i haven't had any alcohol or nicotine or anything else that could be considered a drug besides caffeine since thanksgiving. and i feel less depressed. but i'm not swearing it off completely. i'll probably drink whiskey with my grandpa on christmas, but i'm not going to drink lots of beer just to be social and smoke cigarettes as an excuse to lure people outside of bars to make out. i can try to be social without it, and probably feel healthier physically and mentally, and i can find better ways to deal with anxiety and then i can spend more money on comic books and kimchee, too. anyway, it doesn't really effect this blog.

i heart kimchee.

2007-12-11T18:27:00.000-05:00

ok. the kimchee's not quite done yet, but i keep tasting it anyway. it's nice and crunchy, and it's spicy and a little bit fermented and less salty than it started out as. i put it in a jar because i realized it was much more elegant than putting it in a bowl with three bowls and a can of beets all covered in a plastic bag.

here's a rough recipe. it's very easy and i think you can go wild and put other vegetables in it if they are safe to eat raw. (i think that means don't put potatoes in it.) also, don't put any thing with preservatives in it (like that tempting jar of saracha sauce. put it down. do it. don't do it.)

this is what i used:
1/2 head of cabbage (nappa or savoy if you can get it)
1 daikon (like 8 inches of daikon)
3 carrots
1 radish
3 scallions
1 bulb of garlic
about 3 inches of ginger (i didn't do this, some friends are allergic)
about 1 tbl cayenne pepper
5 whole dried cayenne pepper
about 3 tbl sea salt
1 cup of water

this is what i did, or in retrospect should have done:
chop everything up into the shapes and sizes i wanted them to be in.
put everything in a big bowl.
pound down everything in the bowl with a bottle, for like ten minutes.
shove it all into a jar or two jars and then put saucers or cups inside to put the vegetables below the water level. more liquid will be made as the salt pulls water out of the plants. close the jar. leave it alone in a dark place. check on it every day until you like the way it tastes. in a hot nyc apartment where you can't really adjust the heat, it should take 5-7 days.

fermentation

2007-12-08T19:15:00.000-05:00

right now i'm making kimchee and amasake in my kitchen.

my kimchee habit has grown to embarrassing proportions. i'll really eat anything pickled if it doesn't have animals in it, but kimchee, man, kimchee is the best. amy, one of the chefs at angelica kitchen, makes good kimchee but because the customers at angelica are such fantastic wimps, she puts very little chili pepper in it and too much ginger. i really like sunjas kimchee, which comes in cabbage, spicy cabbage, and daikon versions. i like the spicy cabbage, but hey, they're all good. anyway, the purpose of this post is to acknowledge a new era of making kimchee at home rather than shyly buying two jars a week at commodities or whole foods (plus eating amy's like four days a week. you know, i blame her, really, for this addiction).

so i borrowed her recipe and a book called "wild fermentation" by sandir ellix katz. this book is great! you should buy it. also, i should buy it. anyway, last night i had a big pile of green cabbage (couldn't find good nappa cabbage) scallions, daikon, black radish, carrots, garlic, and dried chilis (fresh would probably be better). i cut everything into various sizes (not all the same, i wanted to expeeeeriment) and sprinkled some salt on top and then pounded it all down in a bowl with a glass bottle. actually shawn did the pounding. i was probably eating kimchee and watching. we added a little but of water and then put a plate on top with some heavy stuff on top of it, and covered the whole bowl with a plastic bag to keep bugs out.

today i poked at it and tasted it and noticed that the water was covering the plate (good sign, i think) but that it was very salty (which is obviously my fault for not measuring). but too salty or not, it's going to sit there in the cubbard for a week or so until it gets bubbly and tangy and mmmmm.

also, while i was at it, i decided to try to make amasake. i cooked some rice with extra water, then let it cool for a minute, then added some rice koji that i found in sunshine market (above st. mark's books) and put the whole pot in the oven at 140 degrees. will it stay at 140 degrees or will the flame blow out and possibly kill me? i'll keep checking. we'll know by the morning whether it worked. i may have done any number of things wrong. like failing to sterilize anything. or not waiting long enough for the rice to cool down. or believing that my oven will stay at 140 degrees all night.

ok, if either of these fermets works, i'll post clearer recipes that account for whatever i did wrong.

next week, maybe kombucha?

what i am thankful, by c.d. monaco

2007-11-22T11:15:00.000-05:00

so don't come eat at angelica tonight.
firstly, it's all booked up.
and secondly, i'd like to just sit in their kitchen and do the crossword puzzle and still get paid, if you don't mind. and then i'm going to take home lots of leftovers and fill my freezer with them.

but if you do come in, say hello.

sheese!

2007-11-01T15:50:00.000-05:00

um, this sheese stuff actually tastes like cheese.
i'm eating the smoked cheddar kind. they have several different kinds and they're all imported from scotland and therefore rather pricey and consumptive of fossil fuels. but so is cheese, isn't it?
i've also heard good things about the gouda and bad things about the edam. i've assumed good things about all the others.
it's kinda weird. the texture is kinda like clay. was cheese like that?
the last time i tasted anything like this, i'm sure i suffered greatly (lactose intolerance before my vegan days). as far as my body is concerned, dairy is not edible.
but this is very very similar.
i'll have to ask someone who actually eats cheese for an opinion!

meanwhile, sheese and apples!
maybe macaroni and sheese. i mean, the "regular" nutritional yeast kind. plus sheese on top. i'm going to stop now because these scots are not, in fact, paying me to advertise for them.

best (not-homemade) cookies in the city

2007-11-01T08:53:00.000-05:00

c is for tollbooth cookie
that's good enough for lectures at the brecht forum
c is for tollbooth cookie
that's good enough for me and veda and the marxists
c is for tollbooth cookie
it begins with t but i'll say c

oh tollbooth cookie from lifethyme deli
starts with t (but i'll say c)

2007-10-23T19:22:00.000-05:00

cardoons.

i'm not going to pretend to be poor.
i am able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever i want.
therefore i am not poor.

however . . . my refrigerator recently broke and i had to throw out much of its contents (which actually were pretty scant in the first place since my roommates don't cook and i have like one friend left to occasionally cook with (hi veda!) and nobody loves me and i can't cook for just me, it's too depressing, so i just eat leftovers from work or oatmeal or frozen chocolate frosting.)

BUT today one of the chefs at work gave me a huge bag with cardoons in it. and i was going to play "iron chef i have nothing but cardoons and pickles and olive oil in my apartment."

until i got home and realized they were not only limp but also moldy!!!
and i ate leftovers con hot sauce instead.
and i have no tales of cooking cardoons for you.
though they looked like a challenge. spines and all.

cry cry cry.

sheese? comic about invisible hands?

2007-10-16T09:06:00.000-05:00

OMG! SOMEBODY READS THIS!!!

thank you, e. darling.

i will therefore actually post something, sometime soon.

there's this mythical substance, by the way, called "sheese."
i saw it in the refrigerator case at the 4th street food co-op. there were so many kinds and it was so expensive that i just kind of got overwhelmed and left. (don't shop with an untreated undiagnosed anxiety disorder. better off shopping drunk and hungry, seriously.) BUT as i was leaving, this very cute very friendly girl who was sitting on the curb asked me if i found what i was looking for, and well the answer was basically that i'm a cheapskate, but what i also was apparently looking for was a bunch of new friends and something to do with my hours and hours of free time every day. so i'm joining the 4th street food co-op. more on that later. and i suppose i'll buy some of that sheese and have a wine and sheese party to rival veda and bianca's wine and cheese party! (more on that later)

btw, if you want a weird zine of comics that has nothing to do with food, send me an address.

i will be magnificently late for work.

3 haiku for nobody

2007-10-10T21:30:00.000-05:00

a caring friend just
flew across the country with
mighty o donuts

a bottle of wine
some hefeweizen, i think
a stain on my dress

listen up, you tools
i'll make my damn cooking show
when i feel better

oh but you don't understand our love

2007-10-03T17:09:00.000-05:00

i'm not ashamed.

one night this summer (or more likely it was this spring) i stumbled home by myself at 2 am or so and opened up the refrigerator, searching for some greater meaning in my life. but what i saw instead was a jar of kimchee, and right next to it, my trusty jar of vegenaise. hell yeah, i thought, as i grabbed them both and put a frozen veggie burger in the toaster oven. what resulted was a veggie burger on toasted sourdough with some garlic roasted green beans (leftovers), vegenaise, and spicy cabbage kimchee. hell yeah, i thought again, as i devored the 2 am sandwich.

since then, i have put kimchee and vegenaise on everything. on bread with or withouth other items, on tofudogs, in quesadillas, with chips, on top of tomatoes, in bowls of rice and beans, on cold pasta, with cold potatoes, with crackers, with chickpeas out of the can, in soup--pretty much on everything. it's just so good!

The Better Peanut Butter Cookies!

2007-09-19T20:34:00.000-05:00

1/3 cup earth balance
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 tsp tapioca starch, arrowroot, or ener-g egg replacer
6 tbsp water or other--more interesting--liquid (coffee? orange juice? soymilk?)
1 cup peanut butter
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/4 cup white flour
1/2 cup chocolate chips

so. preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
mix the earth balance and the sugar together, until it looks like wet sand.
whisk together the tapioca starch and water.
add the tapioca-water mixture to what you have already, then mix in everything else but the flour.
sift the flour and mix it in.
then add chocolate chips (or chocolate ships!)
roll them into balls and then flatten them with a fork on the baking sheet.
bake for 10-12 minutes.
yummmmmmmmmy.

i'm back with sweet and gooey tidings!

2007-09-18T20:12:00.000-05:00

Cinnamon Rolls!!!

* 1 teaspoon sugar (i used florida crystals)
* 1 tablespoon active dry yeast
* 1/2 cup warm water

Dissolve those things together in a big bowl. let it sit and get foamy for about ten minutes while you do other things.

* 1/2 cup soymilk or whatever (I used vanilla almond milk.)
* 1/4 cup sugar
* 1/4 cup earth balance (Don't use the whipped kind or the shortening!!)

Heat the milk until scalding hot, then dissolve the sugar and earth balance into it. Then let it cool to room temperature.

* 2 egg replacers (1 tablespoon powder, 4 tablespoons water)
* 3 cups all-purpose flour or white pastry flour
* 1 teaspoon salt
Sift the flour with the salt. Mix all of the liquids together with one and a half cups of the flour and whisk it until smooth. Then slowly add in the rest of the flour, and turn it out to knead until the flour is absorbed and the dough is smooth and elastic. You might need to use a little extra flour. Put in an oiled bowl to rise, covered, in a warm place for an hour.

* 3/4 cup brown sugar (Use brown sugar. Not sucanat. I mean it!)
* 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
* 1/4 cup earth balance
* 1/2 cup raisins (optional)

Melt the earth balance. Roll out the dough to a sheet about 12 inches by 18 inches. Brush the whole thing with the melted earth balance, except for an inch around the edge. Then sprinkle on top the cinnamon and sugar and raisins. Roll it up tightly to form a tube with a spiral cross section. Then cut it into fifteen slices.

* 3/4 cup earth balance
* 3/4 cup brown sugar
* 1 cup chopped pecans

Melt the earth balance, then stir in the brown sugar until it melts. Pour the pecans into the bottom of a baking pan, then pour the sticky mixture on top. (You can use muffin tins or any deep baking pan ... I used two cast iron skillets). Cram the cinnamon rolls into the baking pan on top of the goo and the pecans and let them rise for an hour.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Then flip the baking pan over so that the gooey side is on top. MMMMMMMMMMM.

regional dishes

2007-06-14T12:22:00.000-05:00

Thoughts on future veganizations:

In two weeks I'll be traveling to St. Louis, my hometown. The prospect of going home always gets me thinking about cultural differences between the Midwest and the East Coast (or between small and big cities). I've learned recently that several cuisine items that I had taken for granted all throughout childhood were in fact completely regional phenomena, not available outside of a thirty mile radius of the City of St. Louis itself. Lately I've been asking people from various parts of the country whether they've ever had or even know about some of these local delicacies -- only to receive blank looks.

St. Louis-style pizza: a super-thin, cardboard-like crust, almost similar to matzo, topped with so-called "Provel cheese," a blend of cheddar, mozarella, and provelone. Outsiders are perhaps likely to find this pizza as bizarre or disgusting, but St. Louisans instinctively regard it as being more "genuine" than all the other "soft" pizzas.

Gooey butter cake: a layer of low-set, buttery yellow cake topped with an equally buttery icing-sort-of-thing made of some combination of butter, sugar, cream cheese and eggs, and a final sprinkle of powdered sugar. It's served as a coffee cake, and is a staple of family get-togethers, parish bake sales, funeral receptions etc. Every bakery and grocery in St. Louis offers some version of it. Again -- hard to convince outsiders that this one is any good, but trust me: it's amazing.

Toasted ravioli: Basically this is your traditional cheese and meat-filled ravioli, breaded and then, voila, deep fried. Served with a marinara sauce. More likely that non-St. Louisans will know about this than any other item on this list.

St. Paul sandwich: Personally, I find this one revolting (probably 'cause I've always despised mayonnaise), although certain people who live near the Mississippi River seem to enjoy it. Basically, you take two pieces of your average trashy white commercial bread, like Wonder Bread, smear it with mayonnaise. Add dill cucumber pickle slices, tomato, lettuce, and finally... a patty of egg fooyung. Then, uh, eat it, I guess?

Slingers: Keep in mind that people in St. Louis eat this one for breakfast: Take a couple of eggs (made to order), hash browns, and a hamburger patty. Put them on a plate. Now, slop a whole bunch of chili on top. Q.E.D.

Gerber sandwich: The strange items already listed might have convinced you for a moment that the Gerber sandwich is in some way related to the eponymous baby food. What, after all, are these crazy Missouri people thinking? Cardboard-like pizza? Anyway, to make a Gerber sandwich, you slice a loaf of Italian bread lengthwise. Spread with butter, add slices of garlic and ham, then cover with (again, the coup de grace) provelone cheese and sprinkle with paprika. Serve open-faced after toasting.

Mayfair dressing: This perplexing salad dressing is based on pureed whole eggs and canola oil -- seasoned with anchovies, garlic, mustard, celery, onions, black peppercorns, and a dash of champagne.

I've already got a good prototype for the vegan version of the Gooey Butter Cake, and a pretty solid working knowledge of how to make ravioli (and then to fry it it) -- but certain recurring components to this food, such as Provel cheese, or its grandfather, provelone -- still mystify me. I can hardly remember what it tastes like, nor do I have the slightest idea how to begin developing it! Is agar the answer? Anyway, as soon as I get the Gooey Butter Cake looking pretty good I'll post the recipe.

If you've got any bizarre regional favorites -- or weird "delicacies" that you still don't get even now -- please post in the comments.

Matthew Trost and Carmichael Monaco. Vegan Hedonism.

and now, a p.s.a.

2007-06-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

you should go read isa chandra moskowitz's article on how to gently help the world go vegan. here is a link to it:

http://www.satyamag.com/jun07/isa.html

notes on vegan ice cream

2007-06-01T11:36:00.000-05:00

scroll down for the video!

we made chocolate peanut butter pretzel ice cream. but the recipe is very adjustable.
here is a basic vegan ice cream recipe:

melt together the following ingredients in a sauce pan over medium low heat:

1 1/4 cup almond milk
1 can (about 2 cups) coconut milk
3/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp vanilla
1 pinch salt

chill until it's almost frozen. this may take a long time, depending on how much crap is in your freezer. if you have room for a shallow pan that allows the ice cream to have a lot of surface area in contact with the cold freezer air (and your freezer doesn't smell bad), well, then you should do that.

now if it just froze like that, it would be a solid chunk of deliciousness, but without the creamy churned ice cream texture. to get that churny churny texture, you have to get the ice cream to freeze while it's in motion. so...you can put it in a can within an ice-and-salt-filled other can as we did in the video, or you can put it in a plastic bag that's not going to break within an ice-and-salt-filled bag that's also not going to break. i don't trust the bags. but you know, maybe you trust the bags. whatever. i'm not going to tell you not to trust the bags, i'm just saying i don't.

to customize this ice cream with a variety of flavors, merely add the flavors and compensate in any necessary way. for example, if you want to add cocoa, you should add about a half a cup of it (and maybe some cinnamon and cayenne, mmm). then you might want to add some more sugar to balance out the bitterness of the chocolate. or maybe not. you can add a few shots of espresso instead of some of the milk. you can use orange juice concentrate instead of sugar. have fun. add peppermint extract. add gummy bears. add rosemary and peach slices. try new things. go forth and multiply. (but don't make babies).

"I'm Okra, You're Okra" - Episode One

2007-05-28T12:11:00.001-05:00

In our pilot episode of I'm Okra, You're Okra, we explain how to defeat zombies, to invade people's private thoughts with a tin-foil hat, and to make some very strange vegan ice cream!

ingredients in this episode:
1 1/4 cup almond milk
1 12-oz can coconut milk
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 tablespoon vanilla
1/4 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup pretzel pieces
ice
salt

Stay tuned for Episode Two!

hurts... don't it?

2007-05-19T21:44:00.000-05:00

last week the fine chefs here at vegan hedonism, inc. sacrificed a brilliant sunny day in brooklyn for the greater good by staying indoors to make chocolate-frosted donuts*!

these aren't your average vegan kamut-granola all-benefits-go- to-the-endangered- kangaroos-fund donuts either; these are a merciless perversion of the soft, bowel-rendingly nutritionless and utterly delectable deep-fried american classic, the so-called "dunkin'" donut. these little fuckers are so tasty, you might actually die of joy when you eat one. or, bring them to a party and you're 96.7% more likely to get laid.

for the egg replacer, you can use the Ener-G shit, or make your own with some tapioca flour. cane sugar is best for sweetener to give the donuts that delightful factory-made quality, but turbinado or maple crystals would work equally well.

1/4 oz. package active dry yeast
2 tbsp warm water
3/4 cup warm almond milk
2 1/2 tsp Earth Balance / coconut oil
equivalent of 1 egg
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp salt
3 1/4 cups all-purpose white flour
3 cups safflower oil

dissolve the yeast in the warm water.

in a food processor fitted with a dough blade, blend the almond milk, your margarine choice, sugar, salt, the dissolved yeast, and the egg substitute. add half the flour and blend again. add the rest of the flour and mix again. the dough should form a solid ball and clean the sides of the processor -- about 30 seconds. remove the dough from the processor and on a well-floured surface with well-floured hands, knead the dough until smooth. cover the dough in a bowl and set it in a warm, safe place to rise for 1 hour.

after an hour, the dough will have doubled in size. roll the dough out to 1/2-inch thickness on the work-surface. using any tin can, press the dough into circles. (make sure to punch a hole in the backside of the can, so the dough doesn't suction into the container.) use a bottle cap to punch out the "donut-holes." (save these -- they're a good test for the oil heat later; also, they're delicious and fun in their own right!)

with the donuts pressed into shape, set them on a lightly-oiled cookie sheet. cover them and set them in a warm place for about 45 minutes. once the dough has relaxed, they're ready.

in a deep pot**, heat the safflower oil over a medium flame. place a scrap of dough into the oil. the dough will sink at first, but will bounce back up when the oil reaches a suitable frying temperature -- about 350 degrees. (take a moment to admire the beautiful veinous texture the oil develops as it heats.)

when the oil is the correct heat, take the flame down to medium-low, just enough to sustain the temperature. (neither the oil nor the donuts should smoke! if they do, the oil has scalded and should be thrown out.) add another scrap of dough: it should bubble quite a bit as it expands in volume -- but not brown too quickly. you can always use the donut holes as a test.

add the donuts to the oil. turn them often, establishing a uniform, consistent golden-brown color. it will take no more than a couple of minutes for each to be ready. when they're done, place them on a paper towel to drain the excess oil.

as soon as they cool, they're ready to eat; if you like, you can coat them in your typical glaze of water and confectioner's sugar, or add some vegan sprinkles -- or, as we did, top them with this sinful and easy-to-make chocolate frosting:

5 tbsp Earth Balance
2 cups confectioner's sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup hot water
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

*instead of the more common spelling choice, "doughnut," i've opted in this article for the more colloquial and perhaps illiterate cognate, "donut," because i feel it best illustrates the simplicity, the sweetness, the populist spirit of these beauties.

**A NOTE ON SAFETY:

the first time matthew attempted this recipe (in front of about nine spectators, no less, friends from good old angelica kitchen), he learned the hard way just how volatile hot oil is and how dangerous it is to use in the home kitchen, where many environmental contingencies are difficult to control. we're not talking about a little spatter or a minor oil burn -- rather, a huge inferno set off by an errant drop of water that got into the hot oil. hot oil, the maxim goes, abhors water. when oil, particularly large quantities of it, is heated to certain temperatures and is suddenly brought into company with even a little bit of water, it reacts violently. not just spattering a bit, but popping deafeningly, or, as matthew experienced, overflowing the edges of the pot.

it goes without saying that this is extremely dangerous. if the hot oil touches live flame -- as in matthew's case -- it will immediately ignite; if there is a lot of it, it will cascade rapidly into an uncontrollable blaze. matthew was fortunate not to have been injured, or evicted, because of this fire, but he did have to repaint his kitchen because of the rather dramatic soot and burn marks, and replace the decimated ventilation fan of his oven.

the folks here at vegan hedonism want to spread the word about the awesomeness of eating greasy, delicious, i-can't-believe-it's-vegan food, but they also want to make sure that no vegans have to be hospitalized due to this pursuit. therefore, they would like to conclude with a brief set of rules for deep frying:

(1) never use a high flame when a medium or low flame will do,
(2) always use a deep, deep pot,
(3) keep any water as far from the pot as possible, and, most importantly,
(4) never go topless.

afterwards, perhaps, but never while you're frying. TRUST US.

Vegan Hedonism. Matthew Trost and Carmichael Monaco

kool-aid pickles

2007-05-09T20:21:00.000-05:00

ok. this may be exactly where brilliant meets insane, but i fully support it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/09/dining/09kool.html?em&ex=1178856000&en=197208bbaced7dbb&ei=5087%0A.

i think...well, first i think "ew," then i remember the sweet and salty balls at the vegetarian dim sum house on pell street (yes, there is an all vegetarian dim sum restaurant. the food is greasy and bland for the most part, but the place is exciting because it's novel and the dim sum set-up encourages people to share food. when you go there you can try several different things and not pay much money at all. also, there is hot chili oil.) and i remember pickled jalepeno peppers chased with beer and chipotle-cucumber margaritas and. . .no i still think they sound sickly-sweet, especially after i read that a whole pound of sugar goes into a gallon jar of pickles. but i'd totally try them and i totally support them and they're totally vegan.

currycurry

2007-04-04T11:03:00.000-05:00

people who work in kitchens tend to be really fabulous cooks, and fabulously underpaid and underappreciated.

veda makes a great coconut curry.

i'm not even going to post a recipe.
this is common sense, it just takes some care and some enthusiasm and a sense of culinary balance, like many things do. onions, garlic in oil. fresh colorful veggies, chickpeas, a can of coconut milk, and lots of spices. yup.

mmmmmmmm.

good times

2007-04-04T10:24:00.000-05:00

i'm re-posting this myspace bulletin from beth, because it was created in the permanent holiday spirit that i feel this blog espouses.

"1 english muffin, garlic powder, salt, VEGAN GOURMET cheese, SOY GARDEN butter.

(i used the monterary jack cheese because the mozzarella and cheddar was out. it's fucking good.)

1. open english muffin, spread on butter, sprinkle on salt and garlic powder then GRATE vegan gourmet cheese and put that on. then put it in the toaster oven and watch the goodness reveal itself.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v16/betheverything/HPIM2360.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v16/betheverything/HPIM2377.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v16/betheverything/HPIM2382.jpg

followed up with a glass of soy chocolate milk: hell fuckn yeah."

"oh and the only reason i used garlic powder was because i believe achieving the garlic taste that i prefer is only able thru sauteeing or roasting fresh garlic whereas garlic powder and a little salt is very robust. does that make sense?"

eat the doughnut///don't kill animals

2007-03-12T18:17:00.000-05:00

i knew it already, but it's nice to have a study to back me up.

from the atlantic:
"a study in the journal of consumer research argues that you probably should have eaten that third glazed doughnut after all. the authors find that regret over indulgence and gluttony diminishes with time, but regret over missing out--doing the responsible thing and deferring gratification--only increases. . . . indeed, the authors write, it suggests that long-term thinking is worst in the long-term--that it willl minimize your guilt in the here-and-now, but over the long haul it will lead to chronic, throbbing remorse over junk food uneaten and money unspent." (i'm thinking sleater-kinney shows missed, mud not wrestled in, people not kicked or kissed, etc. but what i'm saying is it's often better to stay up all night drinking wine with your best friend and eating rice pudding with your hands than it is to go to bed on time and get up well-rested for your crappy pointless job. and of course you want the doughnut. everyone wants the doughnut.)

and this would be a perfect lead-in to my vegan doughnut recipe, but it's been years since i acually made the doughnuts, and i don't have a vat of oil right now, so i'll test it out when i can and then share it, thereby avoiding giving anybody a potentially yukky recipe. but it's coming soon.

deep-fried liaison

2007-03-08T18:47:00.000-05:00

that's assorted vegetable tempura, a dipping sauce with sliced shiitake mushrooms, sushi rice topped with toasted chestnuts, and spicy raw marinated carrots, all served over a bed of lacinato kale.

for the carrot slices: thinly slice a carrot. place slivers in a jar. submerge in 1/2 part brown rice vinegar, 1/2 part water. add one teaspoon each of dill weed, sage, cayenne, and salt. a pinch of black pepper. add a dash of olive oil and lemon juice, seal the jar, shake, and refrigerate. (you can let them marinate overnight or simply serve them as soon as the rest of the food is prepared.)

for the tempura batter:

1 c. unbleached white flour
3 tsp. mustard powder
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
and about 3/4 c. ice water

note: prepare this batter only immediately before frying the vegetables. the temperature of the batter is crucial to both how it holds to the vegetables, and also to how it cooks once submerged in the hot oil. hte consistency should be smooth and just thick enough to stick to the vegetables. (i used canola oil over a high flame. about 2-3 minutes per piece should render them crispy and golden-brown at first, only 1 minute when the oil really gets going. any deep saucepan will work -- just remember to have a pair of tongs at hand!) this amount of batter should be enough to coat about 20 pieces total.

for the dipping sauce:

2/3 c. water
1 4"x4" sheet of dried kombu
4 large fresh shiitake mushrooms
2 tbsp. fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1/4 cup diced yellow onions
1/4 cup grated fresh ginger
1/4 cup shoyu (or tamari)

rinse kombu and shiitake. place in saucepan with water. let sit for 10 minutes. then bring water to a boil. lower temperature to just below boiling and simmer for 15 minutes. remove shiitake and kombu from saucepan and discard. add onions and ginger to water, bring to boil, then simmer for another 10 minutes. strain out ginger and onions, and discard. add shoyu and strained lemon juice to broth. sliver the caps of the remaining shiitake, and add to the broth. simmer for another ten minutes, and serve warm.

the answer is agar

2007-03-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

these are some of my goals. they're not all of my goals, mind you, just a few of my goals relevent to this blog.

vegan jello shots
i've tried twice, and the second time was measurably better than the first, and when frozen was like a vodka granita, but still a little gross. i won't share the recipe, because it's still awful, but it will be here soon enough.

creme brulee
i've been a vegan since i was fifteen. so i've never had one.

whipped cream
yeah, i know you can buy vegan whipped cream, and it's pretty good, too. but i want to get a dispenser with a nitrous oxide canister and i want to make almond, hazelnut, coconut, and soy-based whips. but kids, whip-its give you brain damage, and you want to be clever vegan hedonists, right? well, maybe just a few times.

cinnamon buns
ok, i've made vegan cinnamon buns before and they were great, but i don't have a recipe exactly, so i'll have to make them again. the same goes for doughnuts. chocolate-frosted doughnuts. that's right.

nut and soy based cheeses
there are a million recipes out there for vegan cheeses. which of them are any good? i don't want to eat anything that tastes like ear wax. also, i want the cheese to melt on my pizza, goddammit. my great-grandparents did not get on a boat and cross the atlantic to put me in a world without pizza. actually, vegan gourmet cheese alternative is fabulous. but we're going to work out a recipe. guess what's in it? agar agar. that's right.

nutella
there's vegan nutella at at least one hasidic grocery store (on hewes street a block or two below broadway) but it's not as good as it could be. too sweet, not rich enough.

flaky french croissants

2007-03-03T20:48:00.000-05:00

i know well the old vegan lament: "none of my pastries are flaky, but all of my friends are!" how often have we vegans longed to enjoy again those delectable and immaculately flaky pastries? tantalizingly besmirched with butter, traditional croissants daily taunt us from behind just about every coffee shop sneeze-guard we encounter. but no more! i spent a good half-day working to unravel the secrets of these crowd-pleasers, and met with much success. (the key, it turns out, as with any flaky pastry, is careful folding and frequent refridgeration.) offer these delights freshly-baked at your next veggie potluck, and I swear people will start calling you back.

pictured: a batch of mini-croissants,
with superfluous chocolate icing

2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 cup earth balance
1 cup pastry flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp sugar
1 package dry active yeast
1/8 cup warm water
1/2 cup warm almond milk
1/4 cup warm soymilk
2/3 cup water
3 tbsp corn starch

place chilled earth balance and 2 tbsp flour on the work surface. blend together and work with your hands until homogeneously soft. (it should be a pliable solid, not melty.) shape this paste into a 4" square about 1/2" thick. place on a sheet of tin foil, and fold over the sides to cover completely. refrigerate.

mix 1/2 cup pastry flour and 1/2 cup all-purpose flour with salt and sugar. dissolve yeast in warm water and add to flour mixture. add warm almond milk and warm soymilk to flour mixture. with a wooden spoon, mix for about 2 minutes. stir in the rest of the flour (total 1 cup) 1/4 cup at a time, incorporating it thoroughly. the dough should be solid but sticky. knead for 5 minutes. cover mixing bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.

bring out the "margarine" and the dough -- both should be the about the same temperature. the margarine should be able to bend without breaking; nor should it melt. place the dough on a floured work surface and with hands press into an 8" square. unwrap the block of margarine and lay diagonally on the dough. fold each corner of the dough over the margarine to the center, so the folds overlap about 1" each, creating a sort of envelope. with a floured rolling pin, roll the dough into a rectangle about 6" x 14".

fold the dough into thirds -- like a letter. turn the folded letter sidways and roll into a new rectangle. fold the rectangle in half, like a book. wrap the dough in a damp cloth and refrigerate for 2 hours. remove dough again. roll out into a rectangle, and fold again into thirds. wrap again in the damp cloth and refrigerate for 4 hours to overnight -- this will allow the dough to relax enough so that it can be rolled out into its final thickness, and shaped into the lovely croissant forms.

remove dough from refrigerator and, on a floured work surface, roll the dough into a large rectangle that is 1/4" thick. Cut the dough into identical squares about 6" diagonally each, then subdivide into equal triangles. place triangles on a well-oiled and -floured pan and refrigerate 45 min to 1 hour.

while the dough is refrigerating for the last time, simmer water and cornstarch until thick. set aside to cool. remove triangles from refrigerator, and roll them into the familiar crescent shape -- wide end first. leave them at room temperature for approximately 1 hour, until they rise to about double their size.

after the croissants have risen, with a pastry brush, lightly brush the open surfaces of the croissants with the cornstarch, like a glaze. (this will allow the outer surface to crisp and turn golden without drying out; it's the substitute for the "egg-wash" often used in croissants.)

preheat oven to 400 degrees, and bake for 16 minutes. yields about 8 croissants.

peanut butter cookies for d-hole

2007-03-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

you will need:

1/3 cup earth balance
1 cup dry sweetener
1 1/2 tsp tapioca starch, arrowroot, or ener-g egg replacer
3 tbsp water or other, more interesting, liquid (coffee? orange juice? why not?)
1 cup peanut butter
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/4 cup whole wheat flour

so. preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
let the earth balance soften in a bowl for a little bit, or melt it.
mix in the sugar until it looks like wet sand.
whisk together the tapioca starch and water.
add the tapioca-water mixture to what you have already, then mix in everything else but the flour.
sift the flour and mix it in.
roll them into balls and then flatten them with a fork on the baking sheet.
bake for 10-12 minutes.

notes:

earth balance: yeah, i know. you could use coconut oil, or a mixture of coconut oil and a liquid oil. but if you use just a liquid oil, the cookies will be too greasy.

softening the fat: i use a stainless steel bowl and melt it over the flame on a gas stove.

dry sweetener: the less refined it is, the harder it is to cook with. i really like sucanat, but i usually grind it in my coffee grinder or melt it in the fat, because it often doesn't completely dissolve if i do not.

peanut butter: if there are ingredients in it other than peanuts and salt, then i don't recommend it and don't know how it will affect the recipe. probably it will water down the peanut flavor and get a little too gooey.

salt: i didn't add any salt, because the fat is already salted, and i buy salted peanut butter. if you're making your own peanut butter (yum!) or otherwise using unsalted fat and peanut butter, add 1/2 tsp salt.

flour: many people would rather use white flour, but i think the whole wheat tastes good and softens the blow of the sugar rush. but go ahead, use white flour. i don't care.

jam dots: jam dots are fucking delicious. you can make a thumbprint in the middle of each cookie and put on tsp of jam in the impression.

hope they work out for you. if you have any problems that you can blame on the recipe, let me know, and i'll alter it.

seaweed+fruit punch+vodka=a crime against nature

2007-03-02T12:49:00.000-05:00

86 broccoli

2007-03-02T11:49:00.000-05:00

if i never see another piece of steamed broccoli my whole life, well, i might be happier.